So, it doesn't matter what I drink - I'm still gonna fuck up?

The effects of alcohol on cardiovascular health are different in every person and vary according to consumption dose and pattern. These effects have classically been described as having a J-shaped curve, in which low-to-moderate consumption is associated with less risk than lifetime abstention, and heavy drinkers show the highest risk. Nonetheless, the beneficial effects of alcohol have been questioned due to the difficulties in establishing a safe drinking threshold. 

This kind of statement was more tha likely made by some wire-rim glasses wearin' non-drinking professor somewhere. 

Don't drink and drive, but if you do, don't get caught and don't kill anybody ()but yourself). Juss' sayin'...