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A mother cleaning her adolescent sons room finds a stash of hardcore German S&M porno mags...
Mortified, she puts them back so he won't know, but hides one in her apron to show her husband. Later that night they're in bed and she shows him the magazine... The father chuckles at first, assuming it was a Playboy, or Penthouse, but quickly becomes horrified at the images of whippings, and ball gags, and leather degradation... After an awkward moment the mother asks, "What do you think we should do"? Her husband thinks for a moment, then replies, " I have no idea, but I'm damn sure we shouldn't spank him".
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A man was worried about what his son would be after highschool...
So he set out a Bible, a bottle of whiskey, a dollar, and a Playboy magazine on the table for his son to find when he gets home. His wife asked him what he was doing.
He said, "It's simple: if he picks up the Bible, he'll be a priest. If he picks up the bottle of whiskey, he'll be a drunkard. If he picks up the dollar, he'll be a banker. And if he picks up the Playboy magazine, he'll be a womanizer." The boy gets home and picks up the Bible, bottle of whiskey, and the Playboy magazine.
His father says, "Shit! He's gonna be a Marine!"
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So a young couple were out driving late, and got caught in a snowstorm. Wouldn't you know it? The car stalls while they're out in the middle of nowhere, and has to pull over to the side of the road.
The man pops the hood, exits the car & proceeds to examine the engine. After a few minutes, he returns inside to warm up his hands. His girlfriend offers. "Here, put your hands in-between my thighs to warm them up faster."
So, he inserts his frozen paws inside the fold of her soft, smooth gams & finds his hands warmed up at a swift pace. Once they were warm enough, he returned to the task of getting the car started.
Again, after a few minutes he returns to the driver's seat & proceeds to warm up his hands in-between his lady's legs.
His third trip outside lasted a few more minutes until, once again, he needed his significant other's help in avoiding frostbite. He let out a deep sigh once the feeling returned to his fingers, & that's when his girlfriend's expression changed. She looked him in the eye & said in a soft voice, "Baby, aren't your ears cold, too?"
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A millionaire playboy dies, and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looks at the list of everything he's done in his life, and sends him to Hell. The playboy re-appears in Hell, but it looks like a huge, fancy cocktail party. All the men are in tuxedos, the women are all beautiful and in tight black dresses, and there are champagne bottles popping all over the place. The playboy is in disbelief, and says to a guy passing by, "Hey - I thought this was supposed to be Hell. This looks great!" The guy says, "It is Hell. All the glasses have holes in them. And the women don't."
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I like Black throated Blue Warblers more than I like outdoor cats, that's why I keep my trap ready. It's taken a few years but I don't see cats around here anymore. Got thrown off Nextdoor for warning people about letting their cats roam.
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