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Researchers examined drinking patterns and mortality outcomes for 340,924 adults who took part in the UK Biobank study from 2006 to 2022. ...
Meh. A lobbyist enters a Congressman's inner chamber, carrying a briefcase. "We want you to legalize our product," it oozes, "even though it kills people." The Congressman says, "Meh..." The lobbyist whines, "Here," opening the briefcase, which is full of money. Batman swoops into the room, pins the lobbyist's hands behind its back, and snaps on a pair of handcuffs. He leads the lobbyist out and the blonde bit of fluff at the desk, plastic-daisy smile undisturbed, ushers a constituent in. Batman throws the lobbyist onto a pile of other lobbyists in the Batmobile. "Now drive, Robin, drive!" They drive out to the Key Bridge. "Testify or swim!" Batman orders the lobbyists. The lobbyists all testify into a stack of fully charged flatphones Robin pulls out of the console between the front seats of the Batmobile. Their money is used to fund the schools in the congressmen's district, giving the taxpayers rebates. Thus the lobbyists do something patriotic and public-spirited for the first time in their lives. Their products are duly criminalized and stored in underground warehouses for use in case of a defensive war. In a cartoon whose tone was less snarky, it would even have been fun to draw.
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