The national swamp ass center located in Lakewood NJ has put the entire northeast under a stage 5 swamp ass warning. Until further notice expect major swamp ass, humiditities, jelly roll rash, and thick thigh rub.
Ways to combat swamp ass:
1. Bring extra underwear.
2. Put deodorant all over your body. Under your arms, balls, tatas, and fupas.
3. Lay next to a fan on high speed and stretch your legs. Let the cool breeze get all up in there. Gentlemen if you must lift up the sack!
4. Stay inside. If you try leaving you'll sit in traffic anyway.
5. Carry ice packs and tape them to all creases in your body. The cooling will feel fantastic until it doesn't.
6. Stop being fat.
How to Get Rid of Swamp Ass? First, what you thought was swampass could actually be something more serious.
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I have one that looks just like that. If you're in the market get a DC fan instead of AC as it uses less electricity.
ReplyDeleteTake 4 paper towel halves. Use one to dry the left side of your sack, and one to dry the right side. Fold each of the other two couple times and snug one up on each side. Pull up underwear. This will give you about an hour’s comfort.
ReplyDeleteHere in NJ we go through a lot of paper towels in the summer.