Here are a few tips from the Fire Commissioner and the
National Safety Council on the 'safe use of fireworks':
- Light fireworks outside, one at a time and without placing your body directly over the device. Then quickly move away. Beats the fuck out of lighting them in the living room.
- Don't try to relight malfunctioning fireworks - let someone else do it for you.
- Never hold lit fireworks in your hands, and don't even think about putting them up your brother-in-law's ass.
- Also, never point or throw fireworks at anyone - or at least try not to make it look intentional.
- Have a bucket of water or a garden hose nearby in case of an emergency. If you're like me, you'll set the neighbor's house on fire.
- Soak used and unused fireworks in water before throwing them away. Unused fireworks? I don't even know what that means.
- Don't let children ignite or play with fireworks, including sparklers. Let the drunk adults do it for them. Sparklers? Who the fuck buys sparkler anymore?
- Don't use fireworks if you're impaired by drugs or alcohol, even though being high makes the fireworks that much cooler to watch.
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