At least that's what your sister told me last night...
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What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.
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If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
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If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.
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The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
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Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
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We go through batteries like candy around here for some reason. I had no idea Amazon had their own branded batteries, and these have a 10-year shelf life.
MUCH cheaper than Harbor Freight and better quality too.
Find some here - they're only .32 cents each:
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Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
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I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn't have time.
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When I was a teenager, my brother told me 'The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait'.
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Lotsa great stuff here - right click it to open in a new tab:
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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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Women are like swimming pools – they cost a friggin' fortune to maintain considering the actual amount of time you get to spend in 'em.
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What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
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How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
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Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up... If you're not in prison.
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If you like to cook as much as I do (and my wife doesn't), have you ever tried any of these rubs and spice blends?
Chef paul's dead now but they're still selling them. I've been buying them on and off for about 20 years. They really are very good.
If you've never tried 'em ya should - it's worth the effort. You can get this 7-pack here:
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I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said "nah, I'll just turn the lights off."
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Why are women like KFC? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
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What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
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Ever get a craving for something truly different? You gotta try these - they are insane good.
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Did you know that if you hold your ear up to a strangers leg you can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?
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What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your mom can't take a joke.
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What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
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Weddings are an expensive way to let your entire family know who you'll be fucking that night.
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
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It's been raining down here for 3 days straight without stopping. My wife is really starting to get bummed out. She just stands there like a mope looking through the window and tapping on it almost non-stop. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I guess I'll have to let her back in the house.
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