Why do painters drink in the morning? To stop the shakes. It's a proven fact...
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The best things about Miller High Life in a numerical yet unranked list:
1. It’s the Champagne of Beers
What’s the first thing you do when you confront a Miller High Life? Do you gulp, do you cheers, do you wipe your condensation-dense-hand on the thigh of your jeans, do you finish your story? Maybe, but most often you say, “Oh, the Champagne of Beers!” in a funny voice. What a silly and great and perfect slogan. Within it are multitudes regarding aspiration in America and advertising and status and believing what you want to believe. In my head, I sing lovingly to each bottle of Miller High Life, “Oh you fancy huh, oh you fancy huh,” but to the tune of a gentle lullaby.
2. A Superior Cap
First, Miller High Life bottles are twist-off, so you don’t need anything except a good grip and joie de vivre. There is also something flimsier about the Miller High Life caps compared to other beer caps, which is appreciated. Caps that clench on too tightly, like bellicose orange peels, are confused. Why guard your consumable so strongly, cap?
I know it's a Lite. Lite'n up Skippy - she's cute.
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3. Two Labels for Anxiously Ripping, If You’re Into That Kinda Thing
A complex one up top, a simple one around the middle. Pick away, antsy friend.
4. A Jaunty Theme of Diagonals
Everything on the Miller High Life bottle is pleasantly askance, like a ribbon around a state-fair winner. Miller High Life has no interest in rigid order; Miller High Life is spontaneous and sportive.
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We usta call 'em 'backpacks'.
Now they're called 'bug-out bags'. Who cares what ya call 'em - this is a great bag to have, period.
Are you ready to get out and get going with one of these?
I sure as fuck am - man do I need a road trip.
It's a great bag for less then $ 34.00.
Get one for yourself here:
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5. The HIGH LIFE
The HIGH LIFE: all capital letters. If “Champagne of Beers” is Miller High Life’s slogan, then HIGH LIFE is Miller High Life’s command. The ambiguity says something about status in America, but doesn’t even want to be unpacked. It’s just up there, it’s the high life, the high road, the high horse, it’s high on the hog, it’s the high bar, a high roller, a high flier, it’s in high gear, it’s high as a kite, it’s high jinks, high sign, high time, Miller Time.
6. It Matches Nearly Everyone’s Look
Benefitting from the great decision (out of laziness, maybe) to keep its design unchanged until American consumers whipped back around to classic stuff, Miller High Life looks vintage-retro-timeless enough to match everyone’s outfits even if your friend group incorporates people dressed as alt-’90s college students, ’70s runaways, or ’30s grandpas. A Miller High Life fits in the hands of all.
They're Miller girls. Shut up.
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7. A Pretty Lady on the Moon!
There she is, sitting in a pleasant crescent moon, feet dangling outside of the circle label and dipping into the beer pool in a cute way.
8. The Fittest Bottle
Miller High Life looks like it just got back from a summer vacation with a golden tan. Among the sturdy normals (Budweiser) and the stocky, squat cute friends (Lagunitas, Red Stripe), Miller High Life is tall, elegant, sleek. In the much-dissected James Bond boozing canon, it’s noted that a Miller High Life was the very first beer Bond ever ordered. (In Diamonds Are Forever, to accompany some scrambled eggs.) Like Bond, it’s got an elegance and probably can make an entrance. Also, because of the slim shape, you can fit more of them in your fridge.
Okay so it's a Lite - don't rag on me.
She's cute.
9. The Beer is the Color of Melted Sunshine
Just glowing.
10. Taste?
I mean, is there a difference really at this level? I think that I have a preference, but I doubt it would hold up in a blind taste test. The mind is powerful, and the powers of suggestion are strong, so really I think we are going with what you want to taste, and I want to taste that Miller High Life is a little better. Maybe it’s a little saltier. The bubble quality is lively. Writing things like that is absurd; it just tastes like a solid low-mid-level beer.
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11. The Best Neck for Toasting
Like a giraffe!
12. The Cans Are Like a Golden Treasure
I sense that if you went back in time to an era of yore, where money was not so abstract, you could successfully trick a band of pirates into believing that a case of Miller High Life cans was priceless trove.
13. The Offering of Mini-Beers.
Perfect for airports and Saturday lunches.
14. A Reminder How to Do a Cursive “R” Properly.
At the end of “Miller” and “Beer.” Thanks, Miller!
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The first one I had of these when
I was in Boy Scouts back in the 60's.
I was in Boy Scouts back in the 60's.
I found it here - take a look:
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15. A Royal Color Scheme
Red and white and gold, with a sliver of dark green: This is royal as a castle’s hunting lodge in winter. It reminds me of this Howlin’ Wolf song, “Goin’ Down Slow,” that goes “You know I done enjoyed things that kings and queens will never have/In fact, kings and queens can never get/And they don’t even know about!” It’s about being a king without actually being a King.
16. Embossed! Sometimes.
Sometimes bottles of Miller High Life have the phrase HIGH LIFE embossed on the bottle, in raised all-caps. In Do the Right Thing, Da Mayor pitches a measured fit in a bodega when he finds they don’t stock Miller High Life. It’s a beer worth fighting for. Drink it up and life your High Life.
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If all she had was Miller Lite I don't think you'd be bitchin' about it to her. Juss' sayin'.
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Have great night!
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Okay - chill. I know it has nothing to do with drinking. I don't care - it's really fuckin' funny.
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Back a couple of months ago I hadda get new seat covers for my truck. These are the ones I ordered. This is an insane good product for the price.
My truck's a 2005 F-150 with 180,00 miles on it but still runs like a champ. I'll keep this fucker for another 15 years if I can get away with it. Anyway, the seats were showing their age, so I ordered these.
Only took about 20 minutes to install over the original seat covers and they look and work great. The package even comes with floor pads - at this price it was a helluva good deal.
Time for you to do the same? You'll find these there, but if have a different year or model, you can go here and search from there:
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Went on an extended camping trip starting on a Wednesday back in 1998 with 4 thirty packs of Miller High Life. Woke up Monday morning with one Miller left in the cooler. I must have had some help along the way.
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