Ok - the light thingamabob up in the air has changed colors. Know what the green light means? It means you can go now. Not 10 or 20 or even 30 seconds from now.
It means go NOW. GO. Step on the gas. Get the hell outta here...
This thing is called a TURN SIGNAL. It's used to indicate - TO THE OTHER DRIVERS AROUND YOU - what your intentions are at any given intersection.
It not the 'thing I'm doing now' thing, it's not the 'the thing I did ten minutes ago' thing.
Now I know back in Iowa or Wisconsigan you didn't have to use them, but here you do.
I know you're only going to the mailbox or your friend Ginny's or going to play
'hands, feet and toes' at yer buddy Myrtles. Maybe down to the bocci courts
to smooze with your goombahs. I get it. But if you're gonna drive
slower than snailshit, move the hell over and lemme pass fer godsake...
When you're in the left hand 'TURNING LEFT LANE' at a traffic light, do NOT stop at the line painted on the street. Pull IN TO the intersection (with your turn signal on) and go as SOON AS YOU can. Do NOT sit there until the light turns orange and then go, leaving me behind you with the red light. I will hunt you down and kill your puppy.
Whenever possible, and I know this sounds silly, but whenever you can, PLEASE drive AS IF YOU HAVE AN ULTIMATE DESTINATION. The Grim Reaper is NOT sitting around the next bend waiting for you. You are not saving money on gas. Go with purpose my child. GO.
There oughta be a law that you can read-end anyone driving slower in the left lane than anyone else. If more than one person passes you on the right screaming curses and giving you the finger, you probably should pull over into another lane...
Just because you're on a snazzy bike in a jazzy kinda silly-looking
Lycra/spandex outfit with 60 or 70 of yer best buds, do not think that my 4,ooo lb. pickup truck has the same 'rights of the road' that you do. Sure we share the same 'rules of the road' but
common sense alone should tell you it won't end well if you get in my way.
"Oh god, I'm stuck in traffic - I have to call my cousin Freda and talk about
my grandson's kindergarten graduation ceremony."
NOTHING is that important. Wait till you get where yer going. And it should be legal to shoot people texting while driving. Juss' sayin'...
Speaking of the little dears, if you let yer little grandkids drive around here in your golf cart and something terrible happens to them, IT'S YOUR FAULT you jackass.
It's not a toy - it's a motorized conveyance. If they ain't runnin' around on your north 40 back home in Iowa or Kansas, they shouldn't be behind the wheel. PERIOD.