Learning to drive in The Villages.
(or anywhere else for that matter...)
Ok - the light thingamabob up in the air has changed colors. Know what the green light means? It means you can go now. Not 10 or 20 or even 30 seconds from now.
It means go NOW. GO. Step on the gas. Get the hell outta here...
This thing is called a TURN SIGNAL. It's used to indicate - TO THE OTHER DRIVERS AROUND YOU - what your intentions are at any given intersection.
It not the 'thing I'm doing now' thing, it's not the 'the thing I did ten minutes ago' thing.
Now I know back in Iowa or Wisconsigan you didn't have to use them, but here you do.
I know you're only going to the mailbox or your friend Ginny's or going to play
'hands, feet and toes' at yer buddy Myrtles. Maybe down to the bocci courts
to smooze with your goombahs. I get it. But if you're gonna drive
slower than snailshit, move the hell over and lemme pass fer godsake...
When you're in the left hand 'TURNING LEFT LANE' at a traffic light, do NOT stop at the line painted on the street. Pull IN TO the intersection (with your turn signal on) and go as SOON AS YOU can. Do NOT sit there until the light turns orange and then go, leaving me behind you with the red light. I will hunt you down and kill your puppy.
Whenever possible, and I know this sounds silly, but whenever you can, PLEASE drive AS IF YOU HAVE AN ULTIMATE DESTINATION. The Grim Reaper is NOT sitting around the next bend waiting for you. You are not saving money on gas. Go with purpose my child. GO.
There oughta be a law that you can read-end anyone driving slower in the left lane than anyone else. If more than one person passes you on the right screaming curses and giving you the finger, you probably should pull over into another lane...
Just because you're on a snazzy bike in a jazzy kinda silly-looking
Lycra/spandex outfit with 60 or 70 of yer best buds, do not think that my 4,ooo lb. pickup truck has the same 'rights of the road' that you do. Sure we share the same 'rules of the road' but
common sense alone should tell you it won't end well if you get in my way.
"Oh god, I'm stuck in traffic - I have to call my cousin Freda and talk about
my grandson's kindergarten graduation ceremony."
NOTHING is that important. Wait till you get where yer going. And it should be legal to shoot people texting while driving. Juss' sayin'...
Speaking of the little dears, if you let yer little grandkids drive around here in your golf cart and something terrible happens to them, IT'S YOUR FAULT you jackass.
It's not a toy - it's a motorized conveyance. If they ain't runnin' around on your north 40 back home in Iowa or Kansas, they shouldn't be behind the wheel.
PERIOD.
Joey Boy...You hit the proverbial nail on the head, Pal....Idiots, most of them...Don't forget the entitled parkers too... I drive an over priced VW(Mercedes) so I can park anywhere; or my beemer; that's your headlight stupid...I have a handicapped sticker so I can park over, under and on the lines...DUMMY !!!
ReplyDeleteWell played my friend. Keep watching my blog...
DeleteI would be interested in your thoughts on driving in the left land at the maximum allowable speed. That is, what would be your thoughts of driving 35 mph in a left lane where the speed limit is 35 mph? I would like to be able to register your level of annoyance. I realize the left lane is a passing lane, but would one have an argument if they are driving at the maximum allowable speed?
ReplyDeleteNo. Another self appointed police person.
DeleteGreat article by the way, especially about failing to move into the intersection while waiting to make a left turn.
Sir, while I appreciate your assessment of the driving habits of us villagers I do not think it is necessary to use the terms you use in most cases I assume to emphasize your observation or get your point of view across. For ex. (1) - driving slower than snail_____. Driving slower than a snail is quite enough to get the point across. We all know how slow a snail moves. Most people have seen how slow a snail moves. Adding the 4 extra letters does not tell me any more. As a matter of fact it might lessen my understanding of the speed you are trying to illustrate since I don't ever remember looking up the rate at which snail excrement is released from a snail or having seen a snail releasing its solid wastes to relate this to the rate of movement
Deleteof that slow driver. (2) move the _____ over and lemme pass for _____ sake [Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain (use it lightly).] (3) hunt you down and kill your puppy. REALLY? (4) driving slower in the left lane than anyone else - more than one person passes you on the right screaming curses and giving you the finger, you probably should pull over into another lane. I take it you are assuming that I am driving slower than the speed limit and all those individuals that I am keeping from getting to where they want to go from getting there when I am probably going the speed limit and they want to go faster than the speed limit to get to their appointment which they didn't plan to leave early enough to get there and all the rest of us should get out of their way so they won't be late.
Or, I may be driving in the left lane because I am going to make a left turn soon and I have moved over there so I don't have to pull quickly in front of someone to get over when I am almost at the place I am going to turn. (5) it's your fault, you jack___. Maybe I'm a little old, not as sharp as you are, as quick to react and able to drive like Richard Petty but I'm doing my best to drive safely. By the way I'm retired, as are most people who live in the villages. May I ask, what's the rush? Slow down, enjoy life. Be kind (understanding) to one another.
It must have taken you longer to create this reply than it did for me to create the post. It must be nice to have so much free time. People that worry about the words that other people use scare the shit outta me.
DeleteWhen I moved from the Midwest where Hoosier Hospitality is NO Accident (it says that on highway signs; I didn't make it up) to Ft. Lauderdale it became readily apparent to me that there are three kinds of drivers in the world - morons, idiots, and me.
ReplyDeleteHow about drivers that do not understand that it is alright to turn right at a red light if there is no pedestrians or traffic in the way.
ReplyDeleteWe live just north of the Villages; I like the cut of your jib, sir.
ReplyDeleteThanks BoBo!
ReplyDelete